White Knuckles

I'm welcoming the spooky month of October by painting my nails orange. My nails are freshly painted and I have a horrible itch on my scalp and all I can manage to do is tap it. Tap tap tap. Found a small piece of driftwood and used it to satiate my needs (how incredibly kinky). Speaking of needs, am I ever going to get laid again in a meaningful manner? How about passion, attraction, chemistry and maybe even love. Yeah, am I really ready for that? Is there even space for 'love' in my life? I feel like Rapunzel or some such shit. Waiting in this fucking apartment for, who?

During the weekend I made my own little personal retreat and fled to a friend's house in the mountains. I was able to figure out more or less the little bothersome feeling I couldn't shake. Funny enough, it is unrelated to men. I've been living the last couple of years of my life in a limbo in the sense that I didn't strive towards any particular goals, drifting through my own life without any general direction. So, I was able to come up with some goals and things to strive for in general. Where I see myself in the next 3 years, where I want to go, my path. Bla bla bla, poor little me, I can't find my way waaah waaah waaah.

Fuck.

This.

Shit.