February 5, 2011

call me call me call me call me, forget about it

I met a guy. I like this guy. He has not called me, though he has my number, though we had a great time, though it was unexpected, though it was fun and exciting and invigorating... though, though, though. He's older than me, is divorced, is a talented musician (yes, really, again?), seems like a nice guy without being a pushover. He kept mentioning how much fun he was having and how cute I was and all of these other platitudes that at the time seemed sincere, but now I have my doubts and I wonder if it was all in my head.

I'm a schmuck. I shouldn't be over thinking this, but I am, I am hoping and pining and sitting by the phone figuratively speaking. I am crossing my fingers, and crossing my heart and making a wish on a falling star and I am trying too damn hard. The thing is, my past dating traumas has been a serious lack of spark, and if there is no spark there cannot be love. There can be sex, plenty of it, but if the spark is missing there will be no romantic progress. And I just want to progress with somebody. I'm as lonely as I've ever been in a long time and I long, I fall in love easily, and any connection has my tail wagging and my heart thumping. I want to fall in love, but the more I WANT the less I get. It's like the universe is playing tricks on me. The more prepared and ready I feel, the less I get what I want.

Waaaa waaaa waaaaa, gonna go stuff my face with home made hot chocolate, howzaboutit?