He's digging into the brown fuzz, his paws revealing sharp, pointed nails. The sun shinning through the windows makes his black fur shine. His motions are methodic, precise in nature. Mother nature ingrained it deep within his little walnut sized brain.

Whatever the fuck was that? Anyways, I think I'm through with the dude. I don't need the kind of stress and situations he's bringing into my life. Some kinds of stress and situations are good, but the kind he's bringing are a whole other ball field. I don't want to deal with his issues. Does that make me a terrible person? I don't think so. I just want somebody who has got his shit put together, who doesn't need me to mend him. I feel that a lot of the guys I have dated have all been guys who I mended, put together, made them feel good. But why do I have to be the nurse and put Humpty Dumpty back together again? Put your shit together men. It's not ok to be 29 and always broke.

I have to go shower now and go to C's house where they're having Indian food and beer and good, fun people and I am here, naked, high off my eyeballs writing on my blog and you know what? I would have been perfectly OK with that. Fuck. So, how about the fact I have no hot water affect the equation? Or the other fact that it's a cold friggin' night? Or my inherent laziness and refusal to be uncomfortable? Or more laziness? C-c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker -A series of unfortunate events: exhaustion, substance abuse, laziness, lack of sleep. I can't tell if I am high or exhausted anymore, it cycles.

As the thing with the dude. The thing is, I am so apathetic about him. The best feeling that I have about him is "oh, not bad" and the worst "meh". Whether I see him or not, my feelings never change and never am I suddenly overcome with a passionate desire, a burning flame, nada. I think I'm using him for his company. And even that is half hearted and half assed. Everything has changed with him since we started seeing each other on a non booty call basis and now its all weird and paused and I just wish we could go back to the way things used to be: drunken meetups in dinky love motels in ghetto neighborhoods. Is that too much to ask?